I know it is not a pretty story. It is a self-reflecting story, and those stories can hurt. How many times I desisted on doing something I really wanted, just because someone I cared a lot, like my partner, my mother, my best friend or my teacher told me that I cannot do it? because my idea is ridiculous and I should “put my feet on the ground”. There is no way I can travel that far, If I have no money. No way I could possibly be able to run a marathon with such short legs… I still hear my 8th grade school teacher telling me, I would never be able to study a technical field because I was really bad at math.
I wonder how many of these statements we keep carrying on ourselves during our life and how these things unconsciously affect our thoughts, decisions and actions, and the life we end up living.I built a self-image based on those beliefs. I kept accepting (unconscioulsy) what people told me, and it started to grow on me like a dick skin.
Suddendly, I lost sense of who I really am. Am I what I dream I am, or what people tell me I should be? Am I that person, whose life experience can be described in a couple of bullet points on a CV? Who am I?
The more I think about it the more I think how hilarious this situation is. I finally learnt that our short stay in this life should not be just to make the time, and accomplish a schedule or a list of tasks, and accumulate a buch of stuff so that others can think how “good” we are. Let others define us.
So I gave up.
I gave up in doing an effort to try to fit in those expectations. I´m tired of not travelling, as far as I can, I´m tired of not running, tired of not expressing and I´m definitely tired of blaming people who tried to define who I am, who I am not. At the end, it was not even their fault. I accepted the image they gave me and adopted it as mine. What they told me, was the reflection of what I thought myself I was. It has always been my responsibility to define who I am.
Why should we TRY to be someone, when we can BE someone. I decided to join the flow. The flow of life.
“Grass don´t try to grow, it just grows. Fish don´t try to swim, they just swim. Flowers don´t try to bloom, they bloom. Birds don´t try to fly, they just Fly”- Deepak Chopra
So, what is on the other side of Fear? The answer is…ME. the best version of myself. The highest possible expression of my being, who God meant ME to be. I can´t wait to see what is on the other side of the road!
“An integral being knows without going, sees without looking, and accomplishes without looking”- Lao Tzu